It is so hard to even fathom that just one week ago I held Miguel in my arms, the thought never entering my mind that it would be the last time. Just 7 days have gone by, 168 hours since I last fed my sweet baby, played with him and Alex, and put him down to sleep. A perfectly happy, healthy nine month old baby in his crib just like every other day. The nightmarish shock of finding him just hours later not breathing is something I cannot express, and the blur of activity in the following hours something that I hope to someday be able to forget. It is in times like this that one is reminded of all that is truly important - where we are at in our relationship with God, what our true purpose is on this earth, how we are in our relationships... especially with family. Even though they were just here, my parents were on the next plane to San Diego, along with two of my sisters and I am so grateful for the sacrifice they made to be with Alex and I in such a hard time. The rest of my family sent notes and texts and made phone calls relaying their sorrow and love, wishing they could be here too. My ministry family here in Vicente Guerrero came out in full force, helping and supporting in every practical and loving way possible, exemplifying what the body of Christ was meant to be. It is so important to keep all of these relationships healthy and full of love; the chance to restore them can be gone in the blink of an eye. I am heartbroken, yet at the same time completely blessed and full of that sweet peace that really does pass understanding. Alex and I had the pleasure of loving such a sweet, happy baby for 7 months of his short life; we enjoyed him and his presence so much and are both better people to have known and loved him. We are also so blessed to know that he is in a place so perfectly good, so awesome and full of the wonder of the love of God, such peace we can have with this assurance. We do not cry tears of hopelessness, we grieve purely for our own loss of his sweet smile, joyous energy and endearing laugh. And oh, what a loss it is. What a hole left in our lives and hearts. And what a hope to look forward to being completed in Christ once we are finished this mission here on earth and are reunited once again. I would like to thank all of you who were so kind to send notes, love, prayers, gifts, hugs, and general support. The outpouring of love and sympathy has been overwhelming and I am so grateful to be so loved by so many wonderful friends and family, and even by people I have never met. Thank you for your continued prayers in the days to come. I can only hope and pray that I can be as much of a blessing to someone else as you have all been to me, and continue to be. I humbly thank God my Father for the opportunity to love and have been loved by such a sweet soul, and will wait on Him to see what He has in store for us.
"I'll lend you for a little time
a child of Mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
or even twenty-three
But will you, till I call him back,
take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
and should his stay be brief,
you'll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief."
"I cannot promise he will stay
since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked throughout the whole wide world
in search for teachers true;
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labour vain
nor hate Me when I come to call
to take him back again?"
and Father, I will still say:
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy Thy child shall bring
the risk of grief I'll run.
I'll shelter him with tenderness,
I'll love him while I may,
and for the happiness I've known
forever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for him
much sooner than I've planned,
I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand."